Because most people don’t start at the end, I decided to re-arrange the content accordingly. If you reverse the order of the content you may notice how the exercise flows into the conclusion.
I truly apologize to anyone I may have offended because of my lack of patience-gentleness-kindness. This process of expressing myself in this blog post has been therapeutic for me. I have belittled myself a little more and exercised my demon a little more. I pray that G-d helps me continue to carve-burn away the excess in this life so that I may be of better service to everyone.
Offending and Protecting
Previously, I risked offending people when I used the word “demon” and then did a related talk with Tyler and Mr. Grizwald which received a great response from Jacob Bunburry.
In the video, when you said you do not get offended, in the normal sense, do you mean that you don’t experience self abacing (sp?) emotions when challenged? I suppose the word Offend might be divvied up some more. As it can mean how I feel when I get cursed by an angry person on the highway while driving safely with a young and innocent child in the car. Or it could refer to that competitive feeling just before returning a clever bit of sarcasm to a good friend who’s playfully giving me a hard time about something. Though created from the same emotion, they are different enough to nearly be unrecognizable as kin. I suppose the question to have been asked in the video to all would have been, “what are you protecting?” Perhaps the definition of Demon you had was a well thought out idea you felt needed justified. And perhaps Griz has come in contact with a personal distaste for the word that could have been fleshed out some more…. Just some thoughts. Heh, yeah, “frenetic whirligig”…
I am going to equate self abasing with “belittling”. I do experience belittling emotions when I identify the mistake(s) I am making. But this is very rare at this point in my life. I actually miss the feeling of being belittled because it corresponds with my self improvement. When I am challenged, I seek the feeling of being belittled. I ask myself: is there something I need to carve away from who I am? I am a very good student. I am very coachable.
When the angry person curses me on the highway for no good reason I have to be careful to avoid assuming that there was no good reason. Sometimes we are too quick to point the finger at someone else. I ask myself: what did I do wrong? But I get the point. Sometimes people are angry at us without a good reason and that is their mistake. Irrational anger is very scary to me. But I use it to practice loving courageously. Depending on the situation, I accept the confrontation while possessing the holy spirit. I seek out learning what they perceive to be the mistake I made and being thankful that they were willing to share feedback with me.
I know the feeling of doing sarcasm when a good friend is playfully giving me a hard time. I know that feeling of avoiding identifying the mistake and missing an opportunity to carve off a little bit more of who I am. The sarcasm isn’t always bad because the friend probably has something they can carve away as well. We can always learn a better way of receiving and giving feedback.
I really do love this question:
What are you protecting?
I suspect Griz was trying to protect a person or some people from the suffering I might inflict. Griz doubts my ability to help people grow and learn and transform towards the good. And I am thankful to have Griz question my ability. I know my aim is good. But I also know that I can be impatient. When I suggested that people should start a YouTube channel and have conversations on the internet, I was not being gentle-patient-kind. The truth is that I have over 10 years of private recordings where I practiced and prepared. For over 10 years, I have been working with teams of people solving difficult problems and transforming into a better person. My own development has been slow and I pray I still have a long way to go because that’s what it means to be human.
I’ve honestly told people I am not neurotypical even though I have had no diagnosis. But what happens in the mind of the person who believes I am not neurotypical? When we learn that the other person is not neurotypical we are encouraged to be more forgiving of the other person’s behaviors. We update our expectations. The risk is that we might disregard people who are not neurotypical. I think we should practice treating everyone as if none of us are neurotypical. Please let me know if you think I am wrong and why you think I am wrong. All I need is a good reason.
Written by Gavin Palmer practicing a relationship with the Greatest Intentions